Not a story but a poem I wrote from Leelah’s pov for my poetry final
My name is Leelah Alcorn and I refuse to fade
I can’t let my death be just another statistic
one more kid that just couldn’t handle it
that’s not who I am and I refuse to be
it was 2:30 am walking in the freezing cold
wind slapping my face as I walk alone
I know what I’m about to do
but I can’t help but think how I got here
how my life fell into a pit of darkness
that I can’t seem to get out of as I gasp for breath
how can I live on this earth when I feel like I’m being buried beneath it
A mother, supposed to love and support you
A mother, who embodies warm hugs and laughter
A mother, filled with care and affection
why do I feel like this is all I lived without
My mother, who said it was against her faith, that God doesn’t make mistakes
My mother, who said I’d never truly be a girl, that I was wrong
never tell your trans children that, even if you’re against it
all it does is make them hate themselves
How can you expect Christian therapist to help depression
When all they say is I’m being selfish and should look to God for help
How do you expect me to get better
When they’re all biased and tell me I’m wrong just like my mother did
She says she loves her son, that he’s a good boy
but I am not her son
I’m not a he, I’m me
A girl realized it at four years old
How can she not grasp it now
I’m gonna be buried in a suit six feet under the ground
with the name Josh Alcorn across the grave
but that is not how I identify
You isolate me from everyone and everything
because I don’t fit your white picket fence family
because I’m different you find me an embarrassment
I’m not your perfect, little, straight, Christian boy cause that’s not what I wanted
you took me out of school, took my laptop, my phone
no way to get on social media, alone, kept away from my friends
I was so depressed surprised I didn’t kill myself then
five months this went on when I realized my “friends” didn’t even care at all
after a summer with no friends I knew I’d never successfully transition
with thinking about college, money, grades, going to church, feeling like shit every week
where they’re against everything I believe
I’ll never be happy with who I am
That’s what got me here, in the dark on the side of the road
I can see the headlight as I stand in the cold
I can hear the horn right before it hits
and then I’m fading into nothingness
Life is a board game and sometimes you give up before you can win
My life is like Monopoly where sometimes you lose everything
I was screwed from the start
because my head and my heart didn’t match the parts
don’t tell me you understand when you still think I’m a man
cause you see gender physically instead of mentally
you’re just as closed minded as the rest of my family
if there is one thing that I wish after this it’s for you to “Fix Society”
To have someone see how many trans kids did what I did and say
“That’s fucked up” and want it to change
so people aren’t treated like me
because they are humans with valid feelings
My name is Leelah Josh Alcorn and I know what I’ve done
My death has to mean something… to someone
